So today was a little bit better than yesterday. I actually made it through the day without crying, although I had to swallow my tears a few times. I was still greeted with hugs and warm smiles, even saw some faces I didn’t see yesterday. I started working with some of my students too. I was a little nervous around the kids though. Kids are so carefree, especially the little ones, and say whatever they think. You never know what they are going to say. I met that fear face to face today.
While I was working with some 2nd graders, one of them expressed how they missed me and said I was gone for a long time.
I agreed and said, “Yes, Mrs. De Leon was gone a long time.”
“Why?” he asked. I kind of froze on what to say. I guess because I didn’t answer fast enough, someone else did.
“Because her baby died,” a little girl responded.
“Yeah, she did,” I said.
That was hard to swallow. I know I can’t take things personal and I know the kids aren’t out to hurt me. They just say what’s on their mind. I know the older kids wanted to ask me questions, but out of respect they didn’t. Even though they didn’t ask me anything, I still felt a bit uneasy. I know they are old enough to understand what happened. So I’m sure it was on their mind when they saw me. I know each day will get a little bit easier and I won’t feel so out-of-place.