Does time really heal?

“Time heals everything.” “Time heals all wounds.” “It will get easier with time.”  Isn’t that what we’ve always heard?

It’s been almost six months since we lost our sweet angel Bella.  I can’t believe that much time has passed.  For most people I’m sure that’s an eternity. For us, it’s been just a blink of an eye.  When we lost Bella, we heard many of the same things, comments, condolences, etc.  I mean in a situation like ours, or anyone else that has experienced a loss, what could you possibly say?  You don’t really hear anything new.  We heard more than once the all familiar sayings, “Time heals everything,” “Time heals all wounds,” or my favorite, “It will get easier with time.”  At the time it wasn’t something I wanted to hear.  I wanted her with me.  I didn’t want to get used to not having her.  I didn’t want things to get better over time.  I wanted to be blissfully happy, not shattered and broken.

You see I can’t agree with these sayings, at least the first two. Time does not heal all wounds.  Instead I like these thoughts better: “All that time does is make it more distant, put more space between you and what happened. It doesn’t heal anything,” or “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone,” written by Rose Kennedy.

Time is a big part of the grieving process. A month after we lost Bella, I struggled with time passing.  It hurt me to know, the more time that passed, the more distance there was from the last time I saw her, the last time I held her. I didn’t want to forget the feeling of it all.  That was all the time I had with her.  The memory was slowly fading and all I had were memories.  So six months later, has time healed me? No, I’m afraid not.

The only thing that has changed over time is my will power.  When it first happened, she was all I could think about.  Seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days.  But as time passed, I thought about it less and less.  Don’t get me wrong, there is not a day that passes that I don’t think about Bella.  Sometimes several times a day.  I also have days where she is all I think about.   But it has been easier to control my thoughts.  However, all it takes is one second, one thought, and the pain and hurt feels just like it was yesterday.

So like those other people said, time does not heal all wounds.  All it does is put more distance between us.  The wounds remain.  They are just covered with scar tissue.

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