Capture Your Grief Day 5: Memory

Those of us who have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, don’t have the same types of memories as someone whose loved one lived here on Earth.  But we do have memories.  Our memories aren’t of a special occasion or milestone, but instead revolve around our pregnancy and the time we spent preparing.  These memories could be positive or negative.  Today’s topic for the Capture Your Grief project is “memory.”

My oldest daughter Cassidy is not a girly girl.  At a young age she decided she didn’t like anything frilly, poofy or floral.  At Easter I wanted her to wear the pretty pastel dresses with the lacy toule underneath.   Instead, I bought the purple and black checkered print dress with a chain belt.  When we found out we were expecting a girl you could imagine my excitement that I would finally have a little girl to dress up in frilly dresses and giant flower headbands.   The bigger the better.   One day I stopped by my work to fill out some paperwork.  I noticed they were having a holiday sale so I went in to browse the many tables of crafts and gifts.  One table was full of headbands, bows and flowers.  It was exactly what I imagined for Bella.  I was only half way through the pregnancy but I couldn’t resist, so I bought several of each.  I was so excited to go home and show my husband.  He wasn’t exactly on board with the whole giant flower headband fad.  When I got home I must have had a childlike grin on my face as I held the bag of hair accessories behind my back.

He looked at me with a smile and asked, “What did you do?”

As if I was guilty of some crime, I showed him the bag and pulled out a giant flower headband.  He just laughed and shook his head.  Guess he didn’t have  a say in the whole giant headband decision.

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